More out of office email messages

Just when I thought I'd figured out which ones to use, I found this hilarious list:

1. I am on vacation from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy. I will allow each sender one email. If you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete your emails until it is pared down to one. Choose wisely. Please note that you already sent me one email.
2. I am on paid leave right now for two weeks. When I get back, I will be on paid return. Upon completing my one week of paid return, I will address any issues or questions you have at a pace I am comfortable with.  This is most likely a pace that you will not be comfortable with.
3. I will be out of the office and returning next week. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, it will not be used for work purposes.
4. I'm out of the office and returning tomorrow, at which time I will promptly delete all of your emails.
5. Hey there, could you give me a call instead? I'd rather deal with this over the phone. If I don't answer, just keep trying. I've been having issues with my phone.
6. I am currently out of the office. I have a cell phone, but I will not be giving it to you. If you can guess the number, I will take your call.
7. I will be out of the office from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy without access to email. If this is an emergency, please call 911.
8. I'm out of the office. If you have immediate questions or concerns, please contact my manager [insert name here]. If your questions or concerns are not immediate, you might want to ask yourself why you emailed me.
9. I will be away from work for one week while training. When I return, don't expect any improvement.
10. I am currently in the office but swamped with work. This work was probably due to something you already requested. If you are sending me another request, go ahead and recall your email now.
11. I am out of the office at the moment. Unfortunately, I'm returning tomorrow.
12. I am currently interviewing for a new job. Upon my return, I hope to give my two weeks notice and never respond to your email.
13. I am away at lunch. You should consider trying it. P.S. - This is not an invitation.
14. Seacrest out.
15. I like balloons and cheese.
16. I am currently out of the office and probably out-of-my-mind drunk.  Enjoy your work week.
17. I am currently in the bathroom dropping a deuce. If this is an urgent matter, it only takes me about 2-3 minutes to take a dump, wipe my butt, properly wash my hands of fecal matter, and return to my desk.  Feel free to stop by my desk later and give me a high five!
18. (For men only) I am currently out of the office on maternity leave.
19. I am in the office but completely incapacitated by the monstrous Chinese buffet lunch I ate earlier today.  It would be best if your questions waited until tomorrow.  Thanks.
20. I am away from the office at this moment.  I will still be away from the office at the next moment and returning at a later moment.  If you have any issues at the current moment, and they cannot wait until a later moment, please contact my manager, who may actually be away at the moment. Moment. Moment.
21. I'm away from my desk right now.  I still have my cubicle, but someone took my desk.  I went looking for it.  I'll respond to you when my desk gets back to my cubicle.
22. (For females only) I'm on vacation through the 23rd.  If you have any questions, issues, or concerns, please feel free to call my colleague [insert name here] while I'm out.  If you're a single guy, good looking, and want to travel to Mexico to have a little "fun", call me at [insert phone number here].
23. I'm out of the office due to a family emergency. Our DVR is on the fritz. I will return to work upon a successful recording of Law & Order SVU on the USA network.
24. At doctor. Peepee like fire.
25. (For man or woman) I decided to take the morning off.  Long story, but I have to drop off Pat O'Brien after an evening of one too many cocktails and copious amounts of booger sugar.  I will respond to your email when I arrive at noon.

Out of office messages

I need to decide which 'out of office' email message to use before I leave for the summer...
Here are some of the best, according to Noah Kagan:

1- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
4- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 5/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
7- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8- Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
9- I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10- Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
11- Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
12- I’ve run away to join a different circus.
13- AND, FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Anthony’.

Which one should I pick? Any other suggestions?

Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten...

... Oh, wait! Maybe it was in grad school!

FAU Presidential search: updates

Semi-finalists for FAU Presidency to be Interviewed Feb. 25 

 

The five semi-finalists for the presidency of Florida Atlantic University will be on the Boca Raton campus on Thursday, Feb. 25, to be interviewed by the Presidential Search Committee. The interviews, to take place in the Majestic Palm Room of the Student Union, will begin at 8:30 a.m. and run throughout the day. Students, faculty, staff and members of the public are welcome to attend in person or via the web. The link to the webcast will be posted on the Presidential Search website at http://www.fau.edu/president/search/events.php.

 

To read the candidates’ resumes and letters of application, please see the Presidential Search website. Here is the interview schedule:

 

8:30-10 a.m. – Dr. Gary Miller

10:15-11:45 a.m. – Dr. Terry Hickey

11:45 a.m.-12:15 p.m. – Break

12:15-1:45 p.m. – Dr. Paul Ferguson
2-3:30 p.m. – Dr. Mary Jane Saunders
3:45-5:15 p.m. – Dr. Kathie Olsen

Deliberations will begin after the last candidate is interviewed. The Search Committee expects to narrow the field of candidates to three finalists who will be the featured guests at Open Forums on the Boca Raton, Davie, Jupiter and Treasure Coast campuses on March 1 & 2. Times and places of the Open Forums are listed on the Presidential Search website. They will be open to the public and available via webcast and videoconferencing.

 

Engineering Week 2010 (Feb. 15-18)

Engineering Week Activities Feb. 15-18

 

Engineering Week always brings a lot of fun and educational activities to FAU. Students, faculty and staff are invited to participate in the following events during this year’s Engineering Week, Feb. 15-18. All events will take place on the Boca Raton campus.

 

Tours of the new “green” Engineering Building, which is still under construction, will be offered on Monday, Feb. 15, at 10 a.m. and on Tuesday, Feb. 16, at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. Space is limited; please RSVP to Trudy Jeffries at jeffries@fau.edu. If accommodation of a disability is required, please notify Trudy five days in advance.

 

Welcome Event

Monday, Feb. 15, noon-1:30 p.m., Live Oak Pavilion

Get ready for a sensational start to E-Week as Engineering professors and staff serve a delicious lunch! There will also be prizes and giveaways.

 

Office Supply Exchange

Tuesday, Feb. 16, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., Engineering Buildings 36 and 43

Faculty, staff and students from throughout the University donate office supplies that they do not need for others to use.

 

Brain Bowl

Tuesday, Feb. 16, 3-4 p.m., Engineering Building 36, lobby

Come cheer on the contestants as Engineering departments compete against one another for prizes and bragging rights! Light refreshments will be served.

 

Entrepreneurship Speaker Series

Tuesday, Feb. 16, 8:45-9 p.m., General Classroom North, room 101

Greg Hanlon, vice president of FPL Energy Services, will focus on green/sustainability.

 

Engineering Leadership Forum

Wednesday, Feb. 17, noon-2 p.m., Live Oak Pavilion

Come network with industry leaders and professional engineers as they discuss the newest developments in sustainability and “green” engineering. Lunch will be provided, as well as prizes and giveaways.

 

E-Week the Green Way

Thursday, Feb. 18, 11:45 a.m.-2 p.m., Live Oak Pavilion

Celebrate the conclusion of E-Week by wearing green and visiting the Live Oak Pavilion, where companies will be promoting “green initiatives” with displays and giveaways. Also featured will be student engineering club showcases, Mission Green Student Association fun games and activities, robotics demonstrations, music, refreshments and much more!

 

Astronaut Steve Swanson’s Presentation

(New date) Friday, Feb. 19, 10-11:30 a.m., University Theatre

Astronaut and FAU alumnus Dr. Steve Swanson will make a presentation on his recent NASA mission and present Dean Karl Stevens with the College of Engineering and Computer Science flag that he took into space.

 

“Dear Haiti: Notes of Peace and Compassion” Benefit Concert Feb. 21

In honor of the visit to FAU of His Holiness the 14^th Dalai Lama of Tibet, Hoot/Wisdom Recordings, FAU’s student-operated record label, is presenting a night of art and music aimed at raising continued support for the Haitian earthquake relief effort. “Dear Haiti: Notes of Peace and Compassion” will showcase a mixture of FAU musicians and artists. Sandra Devoe, project coordinator for Food For The Poor, the largest international relief and development organization in the United States, will also participate.  

 

The event will take place on Sunday, Feb. 21, at 7:30 p.m. in the University Theater on the Boca Raton campus. Artwork donated by select FAU artists will be presented and then sold in a silent auction. Music groups from FAU will present their “letters of compassion” in the form of original musical stylings. Hoot/Wisdom Recording artists Danny B and Marcus Banks will headline the event. Other acts will include a jazz-fusion combo led by FAU graduate student Kiki Sanchez and original orchestral works of sophomore music student Alton Terry. There will be donation boxes as well as letter-writing stations for attendees who would like to send their own messages to the earthquake victims. All proceeds from the event will be donated to Food For The Poor. For more information, call 561- 929-2340 or send an email to swinikof@fau.edu.

Professor position in Multimedia at EURECOM

ASSISTANT/ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR POSITION IN MULTIMEDIA AT EURECOM

The Multimedia Communications Department of EURECOM invites applications
for a faculty position at the Assistant/Associate Professor level. The
new faculty is expected to participate in teaching in our Master program
and to develop a new research activity in
                                       Ambient Multimedia.
We are especially interested in research directions which may extend our
existing activities in audio and video analysis towards pioneering new
approaches to interaction between people and their environment, in
everyday life or professional situations, for better productivity,
security, healthcare or entertainment.

Candidates must have a Ph.D. in computer science or electrical
engineering and between 5 and 10 years of research experience after PhD.
The ideal candidate will have an established research track record at
the international level, and a proven record of successful collaboration
with academic and industrial partners in national and European programs
or equivalent. A strong commitment to excellence in research is
mandatory. Exceptional candidates may be considered at the senior level.

Screening of applications will begin in January, 2010, and the search
will continue until the position is filled. Applicants should send, by
email, a letter of motivation, a resume including a list of their
publications, the names of 3 referees and a copy of their three most
important publications, to:
            mm_position@eurecom.fr
with the subject: ASSISTANT PROFESSOR POSITION IN MULTIMEDIA

EURECOM (http://www.eurecom.fr/) is a graduate school in communication
systems founded in 1992 by EPFL (Swiss Federal Institute of Technology,
Lausanne, http://www.epfl.ch/) and Telecom Paris Tech
(http://www.enst.fr/), together with several academic and industrial
partners. EURECOM's activity includes research and graduate teaching in
corporate, multimedia and mobile communications. EURECOM currently has a
faculty of 20 professors, 200 Master students and 60 PhD students.
EURECOM is involved in many European research projects and joint
collaborations with industry. EURECOM is located in Sophia-Antipolis, a
major European technology park for telecommunications research and
development in the French Riviera.

Message from FAU President re: Haiti

To the Florida Atlantic University community:

First of all, I’d like to express sincere thanks to everyone for the outpouring of concern throughout the University following news of the massive earthquake in Haiti. Ways in which we might help the hundreds of thousands of people affected by this huge disaster immediately took shape. In an effort to coordinate and consolidate FAU’s outreach to Haiti, the Division of Student Affairs, Konbit Kreyol and Student Government have developed the following plan, in consultation with Food for the Poor, a 501(c)(3) charitable organization based in Coconut Creek that has a long record of rendering humanitarian aid to Haiti:

 

• Boxes have been set up on all campuses for the collection of clothing suitable for the tropics and non-perishable food items, with special need for the following: pop-top cans of evaporated milk, fish and meat, and bottles of water. Please do not give anything in a can that has to be opened with a can opener. Look for the collection boxes on the Boca Raton campus Breezeway, in Chartwells locations, in Student Government offices on all campuses, and in the following partner campus locations:

 

Broward Campuses

Davie Student Union, LA 109, LA 122, HEC 507 and ST 119 (lobby)

 

Jupiter Campus

SR 119 (Student Affairs)

 

Treasure Coast Campus

JU 113 (Student Services)

 

Harbor Branch

Cafeteria

 

Hours of collection on the Breezeway are 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.; donations may be made at the other locations during normal business hours Monday-Friday. Collections will continue at least until Jan. 29 and possibly beyond that date. Cash and checks will not be accepted at any FAU location.

 

 

• The food, milk and water will be turned over to Food for the Poor for delivery to Haiti. The Weppner Center for Civic Engagment and Service will deliver the clothing items to the General Consulate of Haiti, which will handle its transfer to Haiti.

 

• Volunteers are needed to staff the Breezeway collection point (four per hour) and to separate the food donations from the clothing donations. To place your name on the volunteer schedule, please contact the Weppner Center at 561-297-3607.

 

• If you would like to make a monetary donation to the relief effort, you can do so on the Food for the Poor website: http://www.foodforthepoor.org/ Go to the “Click Here to Help” link and make a donation in any amount by checking a box. Although the lowest amount that appears on the page is $35, you can make a smaller donation in the “Enter an Amount” box.

In addition to donating funds via Food for the Poor, you can make a contribution through Haitian musician Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti Foundation in one of two ways:

 

• Use your cellphone to text “YELE” to 501501, which will result in an automatic donation of $5 to the Yele Earthquake Fund. The charge will appear on your cellphone bill. 

• Visit http://www.yele.org and click on the "Donate" link at the top of the page. This website also provides an address to which you can mail a check.

 

Free counseling services are available to members of the University community who have been affected by this disaster in any way. Students should contact the FAU Counseling Center. Faculty and staff (including contract employees) seeking counseling support should contact the University’s Employee Assistance Program provider, Horizon Health, by calling1-800-865-3200 or logging onto http://www.horizoncarelink.com; the user ID is Florida Atlantic University and the password is EAP. Click on “My Benefits”and then on “EAP Services.”

 

“Reflection Banners," where members of the University community can express their feelings about the tragedy, have been set up on the second floor of the Boca Raton Student Union and in the Oasis Lounge area of the Davie Student Union.

 

Together, we can and will make a difference in helping the people of Haiti cope with this terrible misfortune that has befallen them.

 

Sincerely,

John F. Pritchett

President (Interim)

 

Help for Haiti @ FAU

From FAU's Announcements:

Help for Haiti

 

The University is doing all it can to send help to the people of Haiti and offer comfort to students, faculty and staff with family members and friends in that earthquake-devastated Caribbean nation. Donations of canned food, non-perishable items and clothing may be made on the Breezeway of the Boca Raton campus from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. for the remainder of this week. In Broward, donations may be dropped off at the following locations: LA109, LA122, the Davie Student Union, HEC507 and ST119 (lobby).

 

Free counseling services are available to members of the University community who have been affected by the disaster in any way. Students should contact the FAU Counseling Center. Faculty and staff seeking counseling support should contact the University’s Employee Assistance Program provider, Horizon Health, by calling1-800-865-3200 or logging onto www.horizoncarelink.com; the user ID is Florida Atlantic University and the password is EAP. Click on “My Benefits”and then on “EAP Services.”

 

“Reflection Banners," where members of the University community can express their feelings about the tragedy, have been set up on the second floor of the Boca Raton Student Union and in the Oasis Lounge area of the Davie Student Union.

 

Related Resources/Links:

 

Federal Response Number: 1-888-407-4747

Department of State: http://www.state.gov - main page includes contact number and donation information

U.S. Embassy in Haiti:  http://haiti.usembassy.gov

Embassy of Haiti in the U.S.: http://www.haiti.org 

Haiti Consular Section in Miami: Phone: (305) 859-2003; Fax: (305) 854-7441

FAU Presidential search

FAU is searching for a new president.
Who do you think should apply?

First classes of the Fall

It feels good to be back to the classroom. I just finished teaching my second class of the day ("Cutting-Edge Web Technologies", a very popular class ever since it was first offered in the Fall 0f 2007, and for which I won a department "Hot Course Award"). Earlier today, I had the pleasure of teaching Digital Image Processing, after more than two years since the course was last offered.

In both classes, I have a good mix of undergraduate and graduate students. I'm confident that many exciting projects and ideas will emerge from both courses and I look forward to sharing some of them with the readers of this blog.

Now, back to those slides for Thursday's lectures...
:-)

Back to school...

... and to blogging.

Many things happened since my last post, some of which may be the topic of future postings.

For now, I just wanted to wish everyone a great start of the 2009-10 school year!

Commencement

Today is Commencement Day at FAU.

As I have stated earlier in this blog, it is a great day to remind ourselves of the "hidden dimensions" of our students' lives (particularly family and friends) and use the opportunity to congratulate them for this great achievement well worth celebrating.

I'm particularly happy for Joel Gibson, who is graduating with a MS in Computer Engineering. Joel completed a phenomenal Master's Thesis in the topic of fuzzy image matting using GPUs under my supervision. I wish him (and his loved ones) all the best!

"Is there a particular faculty or staff member at FAU who especially helped you succeed? Who and how?"

This is a question that FAU seniors are asked on the Graduating Senior Survey, one of the many useful instruments devised and maintained by FAU's Office of Institutional Effectiveness and Analysis.

Survey results for 2007-08 have just been published and are available here (as well as results for previous years). 

Browsing through the survey results and thinking about the students who wrote their comments and the faculty and staff who impacted their lives for better is a great way to examine how it feels to be on either end of the equation. It is also a powerful reminder of why I chose to be a teacher in the first place.

Salaries in American universities

The latest phdcomics.com strip (below) is generating a lot of buzz and igniting heated debates. What do you think?

Hurricane season

Living and working in Florida means having to learn how to prepare for hurricanes and tropical storms that might be headed our way between early June and late November every year.

During the past 11 years, there were a number of times when the FAU campuses were closed, classes were cancelled, and life as we know it had to change to accommodate the weather-induced changes. The Fall 2005 term was by far the most disrupted semester, with a brief closure due to Katrina early in the term and a much longer one due to Wilma later in that term. Hurricane Wilma caused a lot of damage on campus, forced many faculty members in the S&E building (myself included) to move elsewhere on campus, and required a comprehensive recovery plan. 

In a few hours, FAU will be closing for the first time this hurricane season, to prepare for Tropical Storm / Hurricane Fay. Please check: www.fau.edu for updates.

Research opportunities: PhD and beyond

Just came across this very useful blog, primarily dedicated to announce available PhD/Postdoc/Research positions in Computer Science all over the world.

Good idea, with potential to help many people looking for employment opportunities in this selective field.

Commencement clip

With many thanks to Liam Mayron (for the clip and for everything he did since we started working together)...

Commencement

[Updated entry]

Today is a great day at FAU. Commencement ceremonies and associated activities all day long... The ceremonies are available via Webcast.

I enjoy Commencement because it provides a powerful reminder that when we interact with our students, we are not only impacting their individual lives, but -- to some extent -- the lives of very special people (parents, spouses, children, etc.) in their lives. On a day like today, we (faculty) have a chance to meet some of these very important people, greet them, and congratulate them for this very special occasion. And that -- as the credit card commercial would have it -- is priceless.

This was a particularly special Commencement for me. I had the privilege of graduating my first Doctoral student, Liam Mayron, and meeting his family. 

At FAU, we follow the ancient tradition of individual hooding of Doctoral candidates, which adds to the solemn aspect of this very special moment. Walking the stage side-by-side with Liam brought memories of being on the other side of the equation at the exact same gymnasium (now called arena) almost 7 years ago. 

It was also the PhD graduation of my colleague and dear friend Lofton Bullard. I'm very happy for him and wish him all the best!

Last, but not least, it was also the graduation of several former undergraduate and Master's students. I'm very proud of all of them.

What is your Erdös number?

Looking at my post from yesterday, some mathematicians may (rightfully) say: when it comes to being identified in your field of knowledge by a number, nothing compares to the Erdös number (named after the late Hungarian mathematician Paul Erdös, one of the most prolific writers of mathematical papers, is a way of describing the "collaborative distance", in regard to mathematical papers, between an author and Erdös).

And maybe they're right...

In case you're curious, I'm an Erdös3, thanks to collaboration and paper co-authorship with Dr. Spyros Magliveras, officially listed as Erdös2.